The Parenting Scam: 20 Lies Some Parents Believe

There is something wrong with parenting today. Maybe it’s not just parenting, but the barrage of change that we’ve had to confront as we parent. The changes in living our lives in terms of technology has had a profound impact on how our children are developing. And I’m pretty sure it’s not for the better! Talk to teachers and other people who have worked for children for more than ten years and they will tell you school-age children today are not the same as they were even 10-20 years ago. Children are categorically “less able” than they were in the 1980s.

I didn’t discover this. I’ve read others’ observations and then looked around anecdotally. I’m afraid they are on to something! But just google John Rosemond or Julie Lythcott-Haims if you want to read more authoritative sources on the topic. But here’s their conclusion: the evidence that current parenting (among other cultural changes) is having a significant detrimental effect on young people has been established.

The reason no one is talking about it is because the ultimate consequences of this have not been seen and may not be seen for another 10 years. Perhaps it’s because the alternative narrative is an easier pill to swallow: do as much as you can for your children, give them every advantage, pave the road for them, and they will succeed.

I don’t know how this will play out, but I am convinced we are raising a generation of children who will become adults poorly equipped to face life’s challenges.

Why?

Because there are certain LIES that the world has told parents they must believe. Here’s 20 I could think of thanks to Wendy Calise of Countryside Montessori School.

  1. Parenting is a constant joy.
  2. Good parents provide constant fun.
  3. Good parents devote every moment of their free time to their children.
  4. Good parents send their children to lots of classes that develop skills that will look great on their resumes.
  5. Good parents prevent failure.
  6. Good parents frequently intervene on behalf of their children.
  7. Good parents do not allow suffering.
  8. Good parents do not abandon children to do things on their own.
  9. Good parents do not force their children to entertain themselves.
  10. Good parents never allow their children to get hurt.
  11. Good parents do not expect their children to make contributions to the household.
  12. Good parents are partners with their children, not figures of authority.
  13. Good parents are always liked by their children.
  14. Telling children how great they are will make them feel great and actually be great.
  15. The more you do for your children, the better prepared for their future they will be.
  16. If children put up a big fuss, you must be doing something wrong and should change your parenting choices.
  17. Parents don’t have to be the ADULTS in the room.
  18. Consequences are harsh and old-fashioned.
  19. Engagement in screen time has no negative consequences.
  20. If you do it right, your teenagers will be your friends and tell you everything.

These lies are a slow bloodletting of our children’s efficacy, of their chance to be intelligent, empathetic, creative, competent, resilient, determined adults, everything we want for them when we hold them as infants.

I have more to say but prefer to be this a conversation. Does this resonate with you? Why? What other lies would you add that parents are buying into?

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “The Parenting Scam: 20 Lies Some Parents Believe

  1. Excellent points. For two decades I have worked with children from newborn through high school, as well as young college students. There are many who have great potential and some who seem to be able escape the cultural complications of soft parenting. However, the cultural overlay impacts this generation of children, even those whose parents, parent more firmly.

    I would add the lie that engagement in adult-led, organized activity will produce better outcomes than activity where children learn to work things out. Also the lie that, because technology is the cultural norm, young children should be given technology tools. There are probably others but those are on the top of my thoughts.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s